“I slipped through a muddy soil,
Where I’ve never been before,
Not noticing the dirt and stinky smell,
Yet, I can’t control where I should fall.”
She closed her wide, thick notebook and hugged it in her arms. Her hair flew with the air going to the west, the same with the breeze of the trees and its leaves. She looked to the children running and laughing. Her lips smiles every time the children laugh out loud. She put down the notebook in the grass and clipped her bangs that made her eyes seen. She picked up her notebook and stood up. She now saw the entire city. She started walking. She walked towards her car, while her hair sways with her aqua green dress.
Before she got into her car, a Honda CR-V parked beside her car covering it (her car) in her eyes. A man wearing sun glasses went out of the car. He seems to be a prince of a kingdom. He has his white complexion and with a height of six foot. His lip was red enough to be kissable. His hair was differently curled in nature. In his hands was a five pieces of red roses.
“Don’t you get it? I was late enough to be yelled by dad. Can’t you understand that?”
“Fine. Go on your way.”
“Dude, let me have this time okay, dad needs me right now, it’s their anniversary.”
“Okay, okay! You're excuse. Take care on your way.”
“Thanks!” I pulled out my head set and put it inside its pocket and put it back in my bag. My mind’s totally out of mine. I felt the air keep moving on and on but produce nothing. Dad came back without prior notice. My mind is in enigma, full of questions, full of mystery. The red light alarmed, I stopped and waited for the yellow light to signal me and for the green to tell me to go on. Beside me in the seat are five roses, dad asked me to buy for it, for his only special love. Well, that girl? She’s really calm as the leaves in the tree when summer. She walks like the way cat walks. It would take very high temperature to boil up her temper. And her beauty lasts until the cycle of the weather stop. I couldn’t have what dad and mom had. There’s no such perfect couple. I thought I should say that ‘no string would attached me to somebody’ and be stocked to her in my whole life. I'm not a girl hater. But as I observed my friends handle relationship with girls, they were just used with the love they had for those girls. Girls wanted to be served, they act weak to be protected, they beautify themselves to adore men, and they exist for man assistance. Well, exceptions will just always for my mom.
I saw the side walk vendors. They’re too many. I knew their business is legal, but still they messing up the hi-way, they messing up my mood. Those vendors tell me that I'm near to the place where I head to. I saw the two white gates with a big dark wall at the middle of it that contains the name of that place.
Adrenalin rush! I stamp my foot on the break. I suddenly saw a lady waving her hands to her man giving a beautiful smile. Suddenly a boy runs to her. The boy showed her mom his clean teeth. His mom smiled and kissed him in his forehead. And she whisper to her son,
“Wait for me to come home and I’ll have a surprise for you! Stay with dad and behave, okay!”
“Beep! Beep!” a sound I heard outside that scenario. It wakens me up. I don’t have choice, but to go on. As I entered the gate, I turned left to reach the parking lot. I didn’t expect much people here these days, but there are lots! I saw glimpsed of grandma and grandpa’s house. It isn’t been so long when it was built. We were also the one who help grandma and grandpa transfer here, it’s been two years when they decided to stay here. Mom too, she decided to take care of grandma and grandpa, it was last year. She said we may visit them here, anytime we wanted. That’s why; we were here, to visit them.
I drive straight to the parking place where there’s only one car. I wonder why people don’t park their car here. Anyways, I'll park beside this Jazz sport. I turned off the car. I picked up the roses. I was about to go out of the car when I noticed a girl walking toward me. She’s weird, really weird. She has a long hair and her bangs were clipped. Her rosy cheeks and cute pinkish lips. She’s in dress, not sexy actually, she’s chubby. But the weird thing was, “Why carry a notebook in this type of place?” Well, it’s her trip. I wonder what the role of that notebook in this place is. While looking at that girl, I had a brilliant idea.
“What type of girl she is?” I picked up my sun glass in my bag and wear it. I opened the door and went out of the car. I stand for the moment and look at her reaction. I thought that girl would be tantalized with my looks. I thought she would stop walking, but she seems saw nothing. I felt rejected. Maybe she didn’t notice me. Maybe she’s out of her mind. She passed through me without any glance. I started walking when I heard the other car started.
“So, she owns the car.” I said concluding that the car was hers. I slowly walk and waited her car to pass by me. Then I continue walking to grandparents’ house.
The doors already open as I reached my grandparents’ house. Dad’s already here, I told myself. I looked around the place before entering the house. There’s lot of people here, having reunions. As I entered the door, I saw dad standing in front of mom. They were both quiet. I know dad noticed me through my shadow covering mom.
“He’s here honey.” Dad told mom, but she didn’t replied.
“Hi Mom! How are you there? Look at dad mom, his gray hair multiples a lot compare to our last visit here.” I said teasing dad. “I know you’ll yell at me, because I'm little too early for the visit tomorrow.” I smiled, “as a peace offering…” I looked at the red roses in my hands. “I bought it for you, these three roses was for you.” I walked slowly to her and kneel down as I reached her. “I know you’ll like it.” I pressed the stem of the rose. The torn was removed but, I felt the torn hurt me and reaches my heart. I felt the blood bleeding in my heart with a mixture of fallen drops that waters the roses. I felt the heat of dad’s hands while he tries to comfort his young boy.
“She’s thankful. She is.” Dad said followed by a deep air released came from his heart.
“I missed you mom.” I said, but I heard no reply. Though I'm still dissatisfied, I put down the roses in front of her. I stood up and turned back to hide the longing and emptiness running in my heart as I burst all the guilt and shame I felt for myself. There’s no more failure than to be rejected by the one you loved most. There’s no more emptiness than to be left alone because she chose to live with her special love ones. No more hurt than this. “I'll go upstairs dad, I'll give it to grandma and grandpa.” Showing him the two roses left.
“Hurry, I can’t stay any longer here.” He said.
“So much for me.” I said and I went upstairs.
I wanted to greet them, but I know they won’t talk to me. I walked towards them, and place the roses in front of them. “So, you’re both happy now. You have mom, she’s been here for a year. Can I ask for her now? Can I ask for my mom to comfort me now?” I know I won’t receive any reply from them, I just let them be quiet and take this time to express my yearning and hunger for my mom’s attention.
“Bye, until we meet again.” I went downstairs and found dad was already outside. He really can’t see mom like that. I was going out of the gate but I turned again to mom. “I'll visit you again mom. Next time I’ll bring a vase so that the flowers here won’t just be dried and fly by the wind.”
“Come on, let’s go.” Dad hurriedly said. He pulled the gate. He gave me the keys on the padlock of the upper part of the gate, while he padlocks the lowest part.
“You’re really old dad. Since I have the strong bones and the height, you’re giving tasks that you can’t. If only mom knew it, I know she’ll divorce you.”
“Don’t tell me that you have the height. I still have the charm and appeal to girls than you.” He said, he knew that I hate him when he jokes like that. He knew that I won’t allow him to marry and replace mom in his heart.
“That’s my choice dad. I won’t be tied up until I found mom to another woman.” I said while looking at mom inside the house.
“Even twins were unique to each other.” Dad said then he walked to the tree near the house.
Dad put his hands to his pocket. I followed him there. I stand beside him.
“This is the same tree where I’d comforted mom two years ago.” I put my hands on dads back.
“I was wrong of giving her all the money and failed to give her time. She must be here; she must always be here, supporting me. ”
“Oh I see, you wanted mom to wake up and be with you all the time of your life. Like the one following you everywhere you go?” I told him with a scary voice.
“Oh common son!” He removed my hand on his back. “I wanted her live with us as a normal family not a nightmare in my whole life! It’s not a good place to scare me, okay!”
I laughed so loud. “Yeah I felt scared too. I think we should leave this place now.” We walked to the parking lot, hearing the hissing sounds of the wind and the laughter’s of the children while they play.
She came again and again to the same place where there’s no body is staying. She visited the place every next page of the calendar. She meets someone who’s not there. She seats on the green pasture, letting her hair flew with the wind. She loves watching others doing their stuffs; she didn’t notice someone’s enjoying watching her.
I was already in school when my maiden was born. I could play when she learn to suck her finger. She entered school when I was already in the secondary level. We crossed our ways when she was ready to be taken. We got married.
She always park her car isolated to others. She seats always on the same ground. She always carries on her arm her notebook. She writes something hidden in my eyes, something I do not know. Lately, she missed going to that grass. Maybe, she’s too busy.
Our love is for eternity. For eternity, even she’s gone. She’ll always be here, inside this fist size pumping liquid inside my body. She’ll always be here. My love will stay as long as I have this breath. I'll keep living, keep waiting. I'll stay with my son, and trying to fulfill what she had missed to comply. And maybe, for one day, I'll wake up and she was the one waiting for my eyes to open.
She surprised visited that place, but this time, she isn’t alone. She was with relatives, maybe. I could see it in her; she was pretty disgusted of what had happen. But I am sure of one thing. That person who was with her was not favor for her decision. From that day, she stayed here. She stayed with me, she lives here, and I work here. Sometimes, there are unknown visitors here. Even though she wasn't with me during her early years, I am much happy to spend time with her, during her old age.
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